Whenever you watch a film where a couple are starting to get hot and steamy, it often appears that both participants are confident and know exactly what they want from the encounter. They rip each other's clothes off, throw the other person onto the bed and ride away like there’s no tomorrow.
Sadly for most of us, reality is not like that. Many women and men suffer from body insecurities that prevent them from letting loose, or are too self conscious to make the first move. There is nothing wrong with this - we all have days where we are feeling less than attractive or have an attack of shyness, which is bound to have been made worse by this past years enforced isolation due to Coronavirus. We have put together some simple advice that will hopefully help you to find a happy medium where you can enjoy your sexual experiences without hitting the panic button.
It’s possible that your lack of sexual confidence is due to something that has happened in your past. It could be anything from your first sexual experience being bad, to a partner cheating on you to a bad break-up. If you have suffered from any sexual abuse in your life, this would be a perfectly reasonable explanation for the act having negative connotations for you. It is important to try and understand the reasons behind your lack of confidence and attempt to deal with them if possible. Sometimes counselling can be of help, having an opportunity to get something off your chest that may have been with you for many years. Acceptance and understanding are key to moving forward in any area of our lives, learning from those experiences and then making sure that we avoid similar situations as much as we can. It can feel like a weight off of your shoulders and can often help your body to relax into something more pleasurable.
In order to feel confident in the bedroom, it is important to know what you like and don’t like. If you find something pleasurable you are often more likely to feel excited and vocal about what is happening, which in turn will show your partner that you are pleased to be there and are enjoying the experience. Try to work out what gets you in the mood and drop hints to your partner so that they can plan ahead! Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, but perhaps try to be curious about new things that are put on the table; it might surprise you!
It is very important not to be critical of yourself - you are not doing anything wrong and you are more than worthy of your partner. Sometimes we can apply so much pressure to a situation that the moment of joy passes us by, leaving us feeling stressed or panicked, perhaps unable to follow through with what we had been intending. Try to ignore pressures from magazines and social media which often portray sex as somthing explosive and out of this world, as it is unrealistic and unhelpful to those of us who live in the real world. Think only of yourself and your partner, with thoughts of what you’d enjoy together and hopefully you will be able to relax into the situation.
One of the most effective things that you can do if you are lacking in sexual confidence is to talk about it. Whether you discuss it with your partner or with a friend, it can really help you to know that other people struggle too and that it does not come naturally to everyone. Laughing about your situation together can help to relieve the tension and make it seem less of a burden. Your friends will hopefully help you to realise that you are not alone and are not unusual in your lack of confidence. There will probably be tips on offer too, so take note, take a breath and then snuggle up with your partner to ease yourself in gently.
Browse our website for some sex toys that may help you to increase your sexual confidence, both on your own and with a partner.